3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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