She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
