I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
