no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
