quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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