none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
