his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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