I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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