My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I think I sprained my soul last night
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
