Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
