I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Houston, we have a blender
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Who died my cat blue again?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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