If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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