how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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