where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
