Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
