since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
