I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
