If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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