I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
