oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
