So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
