i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
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