WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
