Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
