I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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