I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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