her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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