3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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