she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
