Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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