You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
