I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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