The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
where are my eyebrows?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
