No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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