A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
