Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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