Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
