I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
