you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
