It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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