I cannot find my penis.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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