i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
it's like heaven, but drunker
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
