I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My feet surprised me
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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