I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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