I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
