can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
