And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
