and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
