i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
