This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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