i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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