omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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