I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
